I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to come to terms with some awful news I received this week. It’s taken me a few days to process it, actually. We all get this news, every so often. No single person on this earth is ever immune.
Most often we are on the supporting side, having not known them, personally. We tell our friends our condolences, and that they lived a good life… The usual statements of hoping we make them feel better, knowing that really only time and distance can do that. So we are just “there” to lend a hand or a hug.
My long time friend Lucy left this world on the 18th of February. My Sister in Arms, and one of my dear friends. I met her many years ago when we were young, silly women who had big goals and dreams to help “save” the world. Or at the very least, the infertility of others. She was a Surrogate Mom, like me. Our surro children are grown now, or nearly grown, and our worlds evolved and have moved on from those days.
We stayed friend, because we had a lot of lifes moments in common. We talked about those moments sometimes, or more often wrote to each other about them. Over the years as we both became busy with our lives and moved several times, we stopped talking on the phone, and began to mostly communicate through email, messenger and Facebook. It’s life’s funny irony, and we are all guilty of it. She had the biggest laugh that made you always laugh and smile with her. I missed so many opportunities to hear her laugh, I regret that. And one piece of this awful tragedy that I hope to change.
Lucy was just 46 in September. Almost two years younger than I am, but wiser than most… life had forged her to be that way early on. When I was going through my divorce, she was there. A lot of my friends stepped back, staying passive and out of the “icky” thing that is divorce. But not Lucy, she was there, she listened and she loved me through it. Never once did she make me feel bad about it. She gave good advice and I admired her ability to give it. You see, Lucy had polished her ability to be no nonsense, and tell you things that you NEEDED to hear, not WANTED to. I will miss her honest, straight forward advice, that kind of advice is rare. She went through her own divorce just after mine, and I was able to thankfully return some of her advice to her. Probably not as well… but I did my best to try. She was also there to cheer me when I met and was remarried. We were friends, so of course celebrated births and joys as well.
Lucy was an amazing photographer, and landed her dream job at Disney. She was also an accomplished make up artist and performer. One of my favorite things she did was blow stuff up! For a while she worked as a Pyrotechnic Technician and lit off firework displays. Lets just say she was one Bad-Ass Chick. I have missed her photos, and hearing about some of her adventures as lately she’s had some health problems.
I don’t know how well I an honoring this woman. My friend… there is just so much to her that would take forever to put down here. So many memories, so much laughter. So many lessons. Silly stuff, like our Surro Moms weekends in Palm Springs. Lucy gave me my first taste of Amaretto and it was GOOD, I don’t think I have had Amaretto since then, honestly? I think I need to order one next time I am out, for Lucy.
Those long hours of talking about life, and all the things girls can talk about for hours. One particular night I remember, we all sat around in our PJ’s complaining about back aches and shoulder pain, most of us females can relate to, from having to wear a bra. We evolved into the hysterical, pig snorting, pee your pants, kind of laughter as we all tried each others discarded bras’ on our heads! Theses gab-fests and shenanigans would go on through the wee hours of the morning, because in truth, that’s what happens when Mom’s are given freedom for the weekend from their usual responsibility and rituals. Those were great times, and I will forever cherish those memories and the friendships that were forged then and are still strong today.
Some of us Surro Moms still gather, not as often as we would like, as life has moved us all in various directions. When we do, we slip right back into that natural rhythm of old friends. We laugh, we eat, and sip wine in our PJ’s. We talk about our dreams, our failures and we laugh, and love each other, unconditionally.
I have always said, I did not give a gift being a surrogate mother four times that was the cost. Instead, I received the greatest gift of all. I met amazing women that have since become my very best friends. Sadly, on the 18th we all lost one of our own and my heart is hurting. As are all those who were blessed to know her.
Please feel free to share some of your best memories of Lucy below.
My heart goes out to her family, her Dad, Sister, Daughters and Grandchildren.
Farewell, Lucy…. thank you for being you, and for being my friend. I will truly miss you.